No holiday season would be complete without the foodog guardians on either side of the chimney… for as we know, a roaring fire does not guarantee protection from rosy-cheeked elf invaders. The moon-born guardians of dreams are now available on mugs in which you can ironically drink caffeine-laden beverages in a vain attempt to avoid their fearsome and inevitable wrath. Click here to purchase the right-facing canine, and here to purchase his left-facing comrade.* These murderous beasts of Morpheus are also available (for a limited time) on a variety of garments that, unfortunately, will offer you no protection at all from them once they have your scent burning in their firey nostrils. Chain mail would really be more appropriate, but we’re all on a budget this time of year, aren’t we? Wear these fine threads and know, at least, that when you are devoured you will have seen them coming. Happy holidays!

*We take no responsibility for any hint of urine under the holiday tree corpse offering.