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No holiday season would be complete without the foodog guardians on either side of the chimney… for as we know, a roaring fire does not guarantee protection from rosy-cheeked elf invaders. The moon-born guardians of dreams are now available on mugs in which you can ironically drink caffeine-laden beverages in a vain attempt to avoid their fearsome and inevitable wrath. Click here to purchase the right-facing canine<\/a>, and here to purchase his left-facing comrade<\/a>.* These murderous beasts of Morpheus are also available (for a limited time) on a variety of garments<\/a> that, unfortunately, will offer you no protection at all from them once they have your scent burning in their firey nostrils. Chain mail would really be more appropriate, but we’re all on a budget this time of year, aren’t we? Wear these fine threads and know, at least, that when you are devoured you will have seen them coming. Happy holidays!<\/p>\n *We take no responsibility for any hint of urine under the holiday tree corpse offering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" No holiday season would be complete without the foodog guardians on either side of the chimney… for as we know, a roaring fire does not guarantee protection from rosy-cheeked elf invaders. The moon-born guardians of dreams are now available on … Continue reading